Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize