Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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