I accidentally had phone sex last night
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
