OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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