what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
