i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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