Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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