dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
