I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
