We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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