i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
