Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
