I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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