Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Randomize
