i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
