It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
