I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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