The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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