I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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