Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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