Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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