Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
