I want to walk on stilts...naked
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
