never play flip cup with pint glasses
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
