Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
