i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
