I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
