We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
