Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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