why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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