2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
