i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
