Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
