don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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