he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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