Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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