***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
My pussy is not your playground.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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