Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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