The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
