I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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