Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My penis needs a shock collar
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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