cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
is wine microwaveable?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
