im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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