How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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