So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
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Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
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I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
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