he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
