the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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