He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
