Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
