Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
