from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
