She tied me up with her honor cords...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize