there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
