i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I want a musical about memes.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
