You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
