i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
