im about as happy as oj after his trial
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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