my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
