Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I showed him my bush... on skype.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
