i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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