Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she smelled like a LAN party
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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