Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
