i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
