mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
