I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
