I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize