I wish you could order shots online.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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