I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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