Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
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I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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