I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
