Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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