Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
