i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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