literally had 100 drinks last night.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
