ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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