he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
